My Pirate Adventure

Ahoy there, me hearties. I be bettin’ ye were wonderin’ about me whereabouts these last few days. Well, just so ye be clear, I was well aware that the finest of all the holidays were being celebrated just days ago. Aye, it were only four days ago that noblest of days, International Talk Like a Pirate Day, were being honored by true buccaneers and landlubbers alike worldwide.

Being the truest of pirates, deep down inside, I could not settle for merely talking like a pirate fer a day. I set me mind to liven’ the pirate’s life. So off I sailed into high seas, with a terror of a captain in charge, and a bunch of ol’ seadogs in the crew.

I didn’t want them thinkin’ me to be some sort of scurvy, bilge rat, so I did my best to outfit meself proper-like before boarding the vessel.

I took one look at myself in the mirror in this pirate outfit, and knew without a doubt that I’d be keyhauled by the crew if I took a step onto the ship dressed like this. No real pirate would take me seriously in a cutesy outfit like this.

A fine first mate’s outfit seemed like a ship-shape outfit - perfect for plundering, pillaging and looting the unlucky ships who might cross our path during my voyage. Ah, but alas, I had to admit, I had higher ambitions. Savvy?

Shiver me timbers, I wanted to be the captain of a pirate vessel. I desired to be the one giving the orders, “Weight anchor and hoist the mizzen mast,” “Swab the deck ye scallywag,” or ordering some adversary to walk the plank. I aimed to have the doubloons, pieces of eight, and booty of all sorts to come into my possession and no one elses.

So I had a mind to dress like it. I almost went with this regal pirate look, knowing it would send fear into the hearts of not only my enemies, but the crew as well. Just seeing me in this outfit, I was sure they would give their current captain the dreaded black spot and follow me as their leader instead.

Then the finest idea ever to enter my mind appeared. Why not dress as the most feared pirate of all time. I dressed as the (wo)man in black, the Dread Pirate Roberts (you have seen The Princess Bride, right?). I was fully convinced the crew would send their current captain straight to Davy Jones’ Locker, as soon as they saw me with my cutlass held high.

Sorry to report that my outfit choice was a bit overly-ambitious. The crew greeted me with raised eyebrows. As we shoved off, an old seadog advised me to be watching my back. I thought nothing of his warning, and soon regretted it. That night I guzzled me grog, and thought it only a joke that the crew kept calling me “shark bait.” Being three sheets to the wind, doesn’t really sharpen a pirate’s perception. The next thing I knew, there was a shout, “Blow the man down!” I was surrounded and tossed overboard.

It has taken me until this very day to swim my way back home. Despite my ill-fated pirate adventure, I am still a pirate-loving fool. I cast my vote for September 19 to be not only Talk Like a Pirate Day, but also Dress Like a Pirate Day, and Act Like a Pirate Day! Or maybe we should just call it “Yo-ho, Yo-ho, A Pirate’s Life for Me Day.” Okay maybe that doesn’t quite roll off the tongue. I’ll keep working on it.